Friday, August 14, 2015

WWN Death Notices | Waterford Whispers News


It is with great sadness that we announce the death of our father William J. Kendall. He died on Friday last, doing what he loved best, pounding the floor of the Dublin stock market. Sadly an unforeseen crash in the stock market, resulted in his death. GardaĆ­ still haven’t caught the man driving the car so we urge any witnesses to come forward. No flowers please.


Immense sadness has visited the zoology community following the death of Alvin Pritchard Pigeon. He lived a long and illustrous life and will of course be remembered fondly for his invention of the pigeon. Years of research and experimentation saw Alvin create the pigeon using a combination of crows wings, rats and hatred. Family flowers only. Donations in lieu to the Pigeon Santuary. We’re aware absolutely no one will donate to fund pigeons conservation but we felt we had to put it up anyway.


Ah fuck it, we’re in bits. Davey was one of the lads. An epic bastard of epic bastard proportions. He was out on his stag when a few of the lads tied him to a lampost for the crack, but the soft bastard died of hypothermia. We’ll miss ya Davey even if you couldn’t take what was only a bit of banter. Also sorry Sandra, we didn’t mean to kill him, was just banter. Family flowers only.


Legendary singer died peacefully in Claregorman Nursing Home last Sunday surrounded by friends and staff of the nursing home. Elvis, was larger than life but liked to keep himself to himself after faking his death back in the 70s. Flowers and donations to charity welcome.


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