"Nobody in London is healthy in London. No one can be."
Does it really make a damn bit of difference who said that?
I don't know about your neck of the wood but it's been years since anybody on my block searched out a scalper to watch the "hammer throw."
Frankly, and I don't want to sound disinterested but, I have no idea who won the hammer throw in London at the 30th games of summer. I should also mention I really don't care.
Let’s also mention that I've seen enough water polo to last at three lifetimes. Just how does one become an Olympic water polo player? Is there life after water polo? Do you actually know a water polo player? Do they play water polo in Tinley Park?
So much for the warm up. It's time to call out a few people, places and things that have reminded me just how excruciatingly dull I find Equestrian. Jeez, I wonder what the devil it costs to become a world class or, for that reason, a third rate Equestrian rider?
I was spellbound by Saeid Mohammadpourakararagh, the Iranian weight lifter. Who wasn't?
Maybe, you can help me out on this one. If you medal in kayak or the enormously popular canoe sprint, what kind of cabbage can you expect to make signing autographs at a card show, if you're in a row with Bob Gibson, Ernie Banks, Joe Namath, Magic Johnson and the Mike Ditka?
Andrea Kremer, listen up, schedule down time for another face lift. And while you're at it, expand your repertoire of questions. Andrea, NBC's pool-side reporter, didn't exactly stir up memories of Howard Cosell with her nails tough inquiries to various competitors. For the most part, Andrea's idea of penetrating a swimmer's psyche, was asking, "What were you thinking about during the final lap?" That's pretty hot stuff.
Don't get me started on Ryan Seacrest. His next intelligent comment in London will be scored as his first. What was Seacrest doing in London? What did he offer to NBC's coverage? Essentially, all Ryan did was reminding viewers that American Idol lost its stones when Simon Cowell took a walk.
Hold on. Didn't Seacrest ask Kobe Bryant if he planned to leave the Los Angeles Lakers to become a full time shot putter? Or did Seacrest ask Pau Gasol if he'd be willing to write the foreword for a book on Dick Clark?
Studio hosts? Bob Costas, Al Michaels, silky smooth. Dan Patrick, a study in indifference.
I want to know when Malaysia is going to have its Olympic parade? If you're scoring at home the Malaysians picked up three medals in London, two at the games, and one at a pawn shop 50 miles southeast of Liverpool.
Ryan Lochte? He's already something of a trivia question. You remember Ryan. He knocked off Michael Phelps, the first time both guys jumped in the pool, in the 4 x 100 individual medley. Ryan had told anybody who'd listen, "This is my time." Well, it really wasn't. Ryan doesn't have to apologize to anybody, but Phelps regrouped to add rich, additional shine to the greatest legacy in Olympic history - any sport, any game.
Phelps is to the Olympics what Elvis Presley was to rock 'n roll. I think. Does that sound right?
Be honest, you're life just won't be the same without the "drama" of synchronized diving? How many retired synchronized divers go on to become librarians?
This is truly a blatant oversight. Why wasn't Eddy Curry on the U.S.A. Basketball team?
Meanwhile, back on the mainland, how the hell did the Los Angeles Lakers pick up Dwight Howard? I mean this just amazes me. Over the years, the Lakers have obtained Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Shaquille O'Neal and now Howard. That's an unmatched run of big men.
Meanwhile, back on the west side, I guess the Bulls have "cap" problems.
Anyway, farewell London, farewell modern Pentathalon. The "fortnight-plus" was a winner.
Now, looking ahead, Roller Derby must be added as a demonstration sport to the 2016 games in Rio.
You know the games that Chicago was supposed to host. Can you imagine if Olympics XXXI had actually gone down in our city? Chi, the Olympics? Aldermen would have established meet, course and pool records for "Cash Grabs."
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